My Dear Arjun Singh Ji

This is delayed....by more than 24 hours...My mistake.....and my apologies. I should have written to you the moment I saw the newspaper. This is what is expected out of you......complete devotion and loyalty. This is what is missing in today's context and from Indian National Congress, Congress (I), Indira Congress or whatever it is to be termed as - I guess we should simply stick with Congress Party, that leaves it open to interpret whichever manner you want it to, when your party goes for the votes. I forgot one name - All India Congress (Tiwari) or was it All India Indira Congress, which you had formed with Mr. Narayan Dutt Tiwari ? Before I stop this blabber, I will like to suggest something - why don't you move a proposal to rename your party as Congress (Gandhi) - you would be able to exploit all the profits of the Gandhi name (which at one point of time stood for 'Bapu' but now stands for Rajiv Gandhi and Indira Gandhi).
Oh, I have deviated from the topic, pardon me, but I am new around here and really do not have any control over my language and do not know the nuances of writing, so i keep writing whatever comes to my mind and do not really care about anything else ; in the same manner as you while thinking about the 'Prime Ministerial' family, never think about anything else. You are no longer a royal, but the bloodline is royal, so 'loyalty' is a big word for you - and that shows. The only problem is that instead of commanding you are the one who keep on trying to show your loyalty. The suggestion of proposing Mr. Rahul Gandhi's name as a future prime minister was in itself in very bad taste, and the reasons....? Somebody save the queen.....please...and the prince too. But then you have friends who support you - like Mr. Pranab Mukherjee and Mr. Karunanidhi. ....Bravo.... Mrs. Gandhi (Oh, that was reserved for the original one)..I should rater be addressing her as 'Madam'...that's how you used to address her in past. Isn't it ? So she did the damage control. See I have again gone away from my direction... Sorry.

So, what I was saying is - it is good to see people like you still there who are from the old school and will like to see somebody from the family head the institution... Mafiosi..Cosa Nostra ?? I smell that....it should always be headed by somebody from the family....not somebody from outside. Well, I am back. So this is commendable. And your other statement - the nation should be headed by somebody young. I guess, you will give me a chance of making me at least a chief minister, if not the prime minister (that is reserved for Rahul Baba). I am also educated and 'young'. Whenever you want to have a look at my certificates, I can bring them to you to pursue my case. And on some counts, my experience is better than the one from the family. I have already worked with poor people, tribals, dalits, deprived children, illiterate women (all those categories, which sound right and which are politically correct - and I am not joking). Please, Sir, give me a chance too. I will not fail you. And I will be as loyal to you as you are to the family.

I have wondered many times, what really works for politicians - and whenever I thought I have found an answer I get a surprise - like the one you sprung the day before. How shameless people can be ? Why such a hurry - either ways the prince is being groomed for the big role, you did not have to jump gun for that. Or was it the case of being the first one to rush to school, so that you can take the first row seat and be visible to the class teacher ?

Sir, you are a well educated person from a well known family. These things really do not suit you. Now, you are in advanced stage of your political career - you are a cabinet minister heading an important position ; you are heading so many committees, then why stoop so low ? You know very well that the time will never come when you will be the prime minister, then what is this urge for ?

Hope you did not mind my words. If you did (as a politician) am not sorry. But if you really did (as an elder to me) I will apologize for the tone only, because I have been told that in this country we have freedom of speech (at least till the time you are going to put a reservation for that category also :) and i wrote what i felt.

We will keep interacting . I would not have written to you, but I did. Actually for a long time, I have been thinking of writing to our good old Doctor Ambumani Ramadoss (and believe me so much love is lost there that when I write it will really be a long letter, I am so very emotional about him :). If you meet him, please give him some flowers from my side and also tell him some tricks of the trade - what he really needs to focus on.

Thank you for your precious time. My good wishes for your work as well as your health.

Darkness

When I look back upon yesteryears - going back to my school days - i remember myself trying to feel how people who are visually handicapped would feel about this world. I remember trying to emulate them, by walking with my eyes closed depending on my sensory powers ; trying to take up or down stairs and feeling what difficulty they would face ; trying to understand what colors would mean to them - coz not even black and white is significant to them. I remember thinking of the anguish one would feel, who had eyes and then lost it. That was more painful than people who never saw.

Always felt for them, then worked for a Blind School in my vicinity and understanding them better. And then, again, I was taken over by the life, running for a survival and the emotions got boxed in. I have never really understood what people think of these people or what they really say about. At most, I have seen sympathy as well as empathy. Have never seen organisations really working for them barring a few here and there. About government, the less said the better.

After shifting to Delhi, through some good people, I came in contact with a blind school being run for women - i was told that I could do some work with them by guiding them how to go for corporate interverviews and what to talk etc., but then I was not being able to take out time regularly in a fixed slot and that was creating trouble for them as well as me, and had to back out.

I saw a blind school very near to my place, where I have shifted. I see these people, walking with confidence, smiling, laughing, discussing, while trying to find their way out in the mess which is the traffic, in a residential area - cars zooming past, autoricshaws going haywires, richshaws taking sharp turns and not to talk about 2-wheelers, half of the riders thinking they are riding superbikes - no less. I feel that they have a different world altogether. But here I see a difference, I have often seen people, having disdain - on the other hand I have seen people really helping them out to cross a road. That fills the heart with such emotions. I wish I could do something for them. Something more concrete, something more which will bring more joy for them and something which will bring more importance to them, to let them feel more proud, confident and human. I wonder what I am going to do. I wish I could provide some jobs to them. I wish I could provide some books for them. But wishes, wishes and more wishes. What I really need to do at this point of time is go and talk to the administrator and understand in what manner I can be of any help to them.

I remember an ad on the TV showing a blind school and its students trying to play holi - it was so touching it brought tears to my eyes. And made me feel like a human again :)

Do we really care about Tibet ?

Well, I must say i have always felt close to this cause, but at times felt i could do nothing about it.For some days, Tibet is in news, but do we as educated people really care ? Does our media really care ? How many of you have seen Tibet on the front page news ? How many reporters and TV channels are showing the protests by Tibetans in India ? Indian Premier League Cricket Launch is a bigger news in our country than this cause.Have we died as humans ? Do we have any iota of shame ? I guess not. I am to be blamed, you are to be blamed, in general, the society we live in is to be blamed.We will wear a tattoo about Tibet, not because we care, but because its fashionable. Have seen people wearing 'Save Tibet' bandanas and tees, but they do not know what is ailing the beautiful heaven called Tibet.Tibet for us indians is just a monastery and their people mountain people and here i am talking about people who are educated.Want to write more and more and am sure will pour my heart out in the next blog. Thank you for reading this but then again after reading spare some moments to think about TIBET.

Friend - This is for you

Hey !!
You asked me whether this blog was confidential or for private circulation ....and I told you no it was not like that and I provided you the link.......what i did not tell you was that i was really happy while doing that....At least I would not be blabbering to myself and my dear diary or whatever..... I will have the consolation of knowing that somebody live is listening to me (reading my words) apart from this DD who really can only listen (maybe coz it doesn't have an option to shut me up :)
Thank You Again

Am Back

Dear Diary...or is it Darling Diary....or is it ......whatever. By whichever name I use, you will remain the same...my friend...my confidant...my only listener who understands me and do not require anything...except the power (electricity) and the connection (web) :)

Am sure you are not amazed to see me because you knew it will not take much time before I come back.

I had a look at my first post and realized it is all jumbled up. I had known that even when I was writing. But that is natural - it is like so many people trying to come out of a big movie theatre from just one exit door. That is the only reason that my thoughts seem haywires, my words seem confusing - because they had no outlet for such a long time. There would still be some thoughts which will remain inside, but at least some of them are out and there's less of cluster now inside :)

I will keep coming back very often because my situation is the same as of the kid who has found his fav toy - after a long time - which he had thought he had lost. It will still take some time to dawn upon me that this medium is not running away, it is always there for me. Once I get used to it, everything will fall in place. Boy ! Look who's talking. And I am explaining to whom ? To myself ? But that is not required. Will this create a split personality ? But I don't think so - i might be talking to myself, but both the sides remain me only - not different at all. Well, I will come back.

Hasta La Vista......like Mr. Schwarzenegger said in that cult movie - Terminator. You know what, I really loved him in that movie. :)

The Sun Shines Again

Welcome Home !!!

Oh no, but I cannot really say that - because it is me who is to be welcomed, not me who is welcoming. Well, home is mentioned because I feel I have reached somewhere, though the journey has started just now, so in a way it is the other way round. Confusing ? Complicated ? I guess yes, even for me. But the reason is I am feeling very happy to be taking this step - finally.

There was a time when I used to write a diary and at the night, used to share everything with my diary. And then finally I grew up and got lost in the jungle called life and the place called concrete jungle. What I did not loose was my nature - my feelings, emotions and caring for everybody. It has been a long time and am happy to be doing it again. In fact, must thank a good soul, whom I will consider a friend, not that I know a lot about this person - I hardly do ; but then today while talking I mentioned that I was thinking of blogging to go back to the level when I used to share and now when there is nobody to hear, blogging is the only way and I was asked whether I have started and I replied 'NO', but I will start it very soon, rather today. And I finally did it. Maybe the greed that somebody is there to listen to me, made me do it. .......... Feel like I am born again ........ :) Thank You, friend, thanks a lot - you would not even know what have you done, by that innocent question - you finally made me reach here.

Happy Birthday !!!

Oh, I really do not know what am I going to write about and how much am i going to write - but am sure we will keep meeting here, every now and then - when I am happy or when I am sad, when I am at peace or when I am disturbed. My thoughts drive me crazy at times. I need somebody to share it to. If not a diary then maybe this. Diary is too personal but again a bit of space problem, here it is endless. Cannot contain my happiness. I cannot describe what I am feeling at the moment. My words would come out meaningless, but then I am in that state of ecstasy where nothing matters ; where I am in peace and enjoying the moments - I feel Alive.

Born Again, like I said. Now, I have got a mission, a motive. Not that I wanted to die earlier, but like I said, I feel alive. Now, I feel again - that I am a human. That I am here and I can think and I can try to make the world a beautiful place - if not in reality then maybe in my eyes with my deeds. Deeds ? Oh no, am not capable of deeds fit for a nobel peace prize or other awards, but simple deeds, which are great for me, which will make me feel good. One good deed every day - like I was told when I was a boy scout. And I still remember - once a scout always a scout. So one good deed every day has always remained and I have always fulfilled that, not because of compulsion but because I enjoy it. Have you ever realized that while you are zooming past in your car and if you give a lift to some small kids who are walking under a scorching sun, how many smiles you are going to get. Do we really realize when travelling on a bus, if we actually pass on our coveted seat to a lady or an old man, how happy we are making them. We really do not understand how good the courier person will feel, if we ask him to have some water when he comes to deliver our mail mid afternoon. One should understand that buying a 2 rupees poster from that old fellow who is not even able to walk properly, would not be too heavy on the pocket, because we will light up a cigarette worth 4 rupees so many times during the day, but those 2 rupees can make a lot of difference for that old fellow.

I still remember when I was in school, i used to buy some stupid stuff from a very old man - never ate it as I never liked the taste - but I felt happy that I was contributing towards part of his meal. He was an old man who was thrown out of his house by his sons. He was maybe 75, used to walk with a stick, somehow. HE was very important and a brave man - he did not beg, he worked.

Well, I guess, I have started, thoughts have been closed in my mind and feelings have been trapped in my heart for too long - but now, they will all be out, that I am promising to myself.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY !!

Am sounding like a moron ? Am I ? Or just plain stupid ? But well, I am a lost soul or you can say I am searching my soul, in this big bad world. Or is the beautiful world.

Confusing..yes....to me also...but then - C'es L'avie - that's life :)

Will meet again my dear diary, or blog, or whatever.......... Can't stay away for too long, there would be many thing to share. Hope I like the feeling. Will know in a few days. The best thing is i really do not have to stop myself. I can say whatever I want to. At least this is not china :) Hey, I am starting again. I do not want to cry for Tibet right now, though my heart bleeds. Will surely spread a few drops here.